Time Out!

"No, no, no, noooooo....", evidently it was too late anyway, my beloved plum shaded lip gloss was all over Ayaan's new yellow T-Shirt. Believe me, for a second or two I was quite furious. But then immediately sanity prevailed. After all it was my fault in the first place that I left my purse within his range and what was the point of yelling or scolding him now anyway; the T-shirt and the lip gloss were both total loss and any expression of anger would have been futile to say the least. Besides, any outburst would  have been more detrimental than the loss of a little gloss or a T-Shirt considering the impact of yelling on his tiny ear drums and well I know where I can buy more gloss or a new T-shirt from.

Now that we are on this topic, this brings back some memories from further back. I remember that when Ayaan was a little newborn baby he used to burp and throw up a lot and the primary target of all the activity would be mine or Babbar's shirts. We did have a few diaper disasters as well (who doesn't!). But the most critical, important and meaningful advice that I have received came from my husband, "It is just a little boo boo, nothing is more important than our little bundle of joy. Shirts can be washed or even thrown and replaced by  new. He is worth everything and more!". Then he would lovingly cuddle Ayaan and whisper to him, "Go ahead my munchkin, that's what Baba's shirts are for anyway!". After that, I don't remember grimacing even when Ayaan would do a projectile vomit, if anything, doesn't he needs love and comfort the most at the very time? Masha Allah, Ayaan is one of those babies who do not start yelling at the top of their lungs at the slightest bump. I would give the entire credit to the timely advice by my husband.

Why am I telling you all this... Well to be honest I have seen my share of people literally jerking babies away from their precious clothing or even more precious selves the minute they hear a burp or suspect a wet diaper. Telling off the innocent baby, expression of anger at the additional task of washing up extra clothes/carpets etc is not unheard of, at least in this part of the world. What we all need to keep on top of our mind is, nothing is more important than our precious children. They are truly a gift to us from Allah SWT, and we need to make sure that we do our best to take care of His blessing.

If we just dig a little deeper, we would realize that we over-react not because the baby is at fault, but because of our own fatigue, frustration or anger at something else. What we fail to realize that we might vent out on the tiny soul and will end up scarring the little mind for life. So whenever we do feel the urge to burst up on our little ones, take TIME-OUT. Don't give it to the little one, take it yourself. Calm down, breath deeply, wash your face, freshen up that smile and then talk to your baby if needed (if the baby is old enough to be disciplined). And when it comes to disciplining, do not ORDER the child to do something or not. Explain to the child WHY you wish an action to be performed and how you would appreciate cooperation. Children will comply to your rules much better if they internalize the reasoning behind it.

Another important distinction that needs to be made is between a "Premeditated Destructive Act" vs. an "Accident". PDA might need intervention but an accident only requires assurance. Consider the fact that your child must be more terrified and baffled than you are angry or upset. Give them a little hug and tell them it is ok and if at all, tell them to be careful for their own safety (and not because you think they are costing you something/anything!).

Throwing a tantrum? Again, the child is trying to communicate. When we get frustrated we also vent. The research shows that there are two parts of a tantrum; Anger and Sadness. What we need to do is, first of all "Do not react!" Asking questions, scolding or even talking will only prolong their anger. Just let them vent out a little and get over their anger. Once they are a bit calm (and only sad), distract them to something they love to do, be it outdoors, books, toys or rhymes.

Always remember that material things are there to be used up, to be broken, to be replaced and people in our life are there to be loved and cared for, and on the top of the list are our little ones.